Life Lessons at 56

May 31st, 2012 by Regina Brett

After having cancer 14 years ago, every birthday is a gift. I get to grow old. What a joy. .

To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.
It is the most-requested column I've ever written. It has traveled the world.

Someone wrote at the top of that email chain letter that I'm 90. My odometer actually rolls over to 56 today, so here's an update:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

36. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

45. The best is yet to come.

46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

48. If you don't ask, you don't get.

49. Yield.

50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

51.To be a channel of peace, you have to stay open. To do that, relax your heart.

52. Consult your own soul. Deep inside you already know the answers you need.

53. Interruptions are divine assignments.

54. God doesn't always call the strong. Sometimes you have to be weak enough to serve.

55. Start where you are and get busy on the possible.

56. Love life unconditionally. Love it ALL.

Comments (2)

Thank a teacher

May 21st, 2012 by Regina Brett

It's a bit strange coming face to face with your high school principal decades after you graduated.

 

Mr. Snowberger invited me to speak at the Portage County Retired Teachers Association last week. I feared he might pull out my "permanent record" and recall my diploma.

 

The event was a great opportunity to thank some of the teachers that changed my life. It was great to see Mr. Bliss, my old history teacher, and Mr. Ricco, who taught me English in 9th grade. It was sad to hear of the passing of Mr. Bennett, the band instructor who taught so many students not to die with their music in them.

 

I left full of gratitude for the imprint those teachers left on me.

 

A math teacher taught me to balance my checkbook to the penney. (Thank you, Mr. Saviers.)

 

A social studies teacher taught me to question authority. (Thank you Mr. Farrell.)

 

A biology teacher taught me to be accountable.  "There's no such thing as a free lunch, Brett," he used to say. (Thank you Mr. Roberto.)

 

An English teacher taught me to love words. (Thank you, Mr. Ricco.)

 

A speech teacher taught me not to fear a microphone. (Thank you, Mr. Singer.)

 

A choir teacher taught me the joy of singing every morning, which I still do in the shower. (Thank you Mr. Maske.)

 

The men and women in that room had retired after 30, 35 and 40 years of teaching. Imagine how many hundreds of lives each of them changed.

 

They certainly did fill our souls with dreams, as journalist Clark Mollenhoff wrote in this poem he dedicated to his mother, who was a teacher.

 

                 Teacher

 

You are the molders of their dreams

The gods who build or crush

Their young beliefs of right or wrong.

 

You are the spark, that sets aflame

the poet's hand or lights the flame

of some great singer's song.

 

You are the gods of the young, the very young

You are the guardian of a million dreams

Your every smile or frown can heal or pierce a heart.

 

You are a hundred lives, a thousand lives.

Yours the pride of loving them

And the sorrow, too.

 

Your patient work, your touch

Make you the gods of hope

Who fill their souls with dreams

To make those dreams come true.  

 

 

 

Comments (1)

Addiction

May 10th, 2012 by Regina Brett

In the end, they found her body in a park.

 

White woman. Unknown. Heroin overdose.

 

We should have seen it coming. We all tried to help her. If love could have saved Heidi, she'd still be alive today.

 

If love could have kept her clean and sober, she'd be walking around with a 12-year coin in her pocket.

 

The obit said she was 44. How could that be? She always seemed eternally 16 to me. A new tattoo. A tongue piercing. A leather bracelet. Always trying to look the part of the rebel but we knew better.

 

Her wounds gave her away, that pain in her eyes. She'd sound tough for a minute then melt into you with a hug or a laugh or a story that only Heidi could tell. Like the time her toddler dropped a bottle of Italian dressing in the kitchen. "The whole house smells like an Italian restaurant," she laughed.

 

Heidi laughed loads, but, God, did she hurt.

 

In and out of recovery. Dragging her three kids on and off the roller coaster of booze and crack and heroin.  We tried to save them, too. Spent weekends cleaning and painting their apartment, giving them the right kind of attention, praising their efforts in school and sports. They just wanted a normal life. They just wanted a mom they could count on.

 

We bury Heidi tomorrow. I don't know how to face her boys. The youngest is 12. I met Noah when he was crawling around the recovery rooms, a brand new baby, a brand new chance for Heidi. "My sober baby," that's what Heidi called him.

 

I hope those boys know how many people Heidi helped by all of us trying to help her. She helped us all want a better life. I once drove with her with little Noah in his car seat in the back. There was a new girl in the backseat, still shaking from the alcohol she drank the night before. Heidi went on and on about how Noah was her sober baby, how Noah was the light of her life.

 

When I looked in the rearview mirror, that new girl was clinging to Noah's little fingers, as if he were her lifeline, too.

 

I hope Noah will know that we tried to be his.

Comments (2)

Radio Ten Commandments

May 3rd, 2012 by Regina Brett

It's fun to be a guest on a public radio show, especially after being the host of a public radio show on WKSU 89.7 FM.

 

Yesterday, I got to talk to Jabulani Leffall on KCUR in Kansas City. 

 

Halfway through the show, he asked me the best advice I'd give a writer and a radio host.

For a writer, I'd say the best advice is this:

 

Write.

 

No joke. Just put the pen to paper, the fingers to keyboard and keep moving.

 

As for a radio host, my best advice is to find your voice and be you.

 

I absolutely love hosting The Regina Brett Show every Wednesday night on WKSU 89.7 FM. When I first started the show two years ago, I jotted down on an index card what has become my guiding light for every show that airs. I call it...

 

The 10 Commandments of The Regina Brett Show:

1. Be interesting. Surprise people.
2. Be original.
3. Be you -- 100 percent authentic Regina Brett. Just sound like you.
4. Have fun.
5. Ask the tough questions in a respectful manner.
6. Honor the listener first. Put the listener above all else.
7. Inspire all involved to find and use their inner power to help create a greater life for others.
8. Give people hope.
9. Work as a team to do only what we can do well and do well consistently.
10. Do the best we can every week, then release it and let it go.

 

Once I read through that list, I don't stress about the show. I overprepare, go with the flow and trust wherever it takes me.

 

 

Comments (4)